Christians are supposed to get along, right? According to John 13:34, we are to love one another as he loved us. It seems simple enough, and I think all of us would like to live out that directive every day. But what happens when we don’t?
Well, the usual biblical “how-to guide for reconciliation” is MatthewA tax collector who became one of Jesus' 12 disciples. More 18:15-20. It is even included in many congregational constitutions! The process it lays out is plain: If one person harms another, the wronged person should approach the wrongdoer in private and address the issue. In an ideal world, this is how all problems would be solved! There is one key issue with the Matthew passage, however. The community envisioned by JesusJesus is the Messiah whose life, death, and resurrection are God's saving act for humanity. More is one in which all members are equals. Both the offender and the offended view each other as adelphoi (siblings), and there is no imbalance of power that might allow one person to retaliate against the other.
So what about when two parties aren’t on an equal footing, and it is not possible—or safe—for one person to approach the other in private? What is a Christian to do?
Thankfully, the New Testament contains another text that addresses just this: Paul’s letter to Philemon.
It’s easy to overlook this epistleAn epistle, simply, is a letter or message. As many as twenty-one of the twenty-seven books of the New Testament are epistles, letters written to churches or persons for instruction, pastoral care, or discipline. More, and not just because it’s so small. The letter has long been read as concerning a pious man (Philemon) and his thieving runaway slave (OnesimusSlave of Philemon for whom Paul appealed in his Letter to Philemon. More). Because it is frequently taught as being “about slavery,” it is just as frequently dismissed as antiquated.
In the letter itself, however, slavery is not centered. Though PaulThe Apostle Paul, originally known as Saul of Tarsus, was the author of several New Testament letters and the founder of many Christian communities. More refers to Onesimus as a slave in verse 16, he only does so to urge Philemon no longer to treat him as one, since as Christians they are supposed to be siblings “both in the flesh and in the Lord.” The letter also never says why Onesimus left Philemon’s householdA household is a living unit comprised of all the persons who live in one house. A household would embrace all the members of a family, including servants and slaves. In the book of Acts, stories are told of various persons and their households, like... More: Paul says simply that he is sending Onesimus back, and that if Onesimus incurred any damages, Paul himself will answer for them (verses 18-19). Paul’s appeal to Philemon to receive Onesimus with kindness may indicate that Philemon kicked Onesimus out, or that Onesimus fled from abuse. Paul does not address the root cause of the separation (nor does he specify that Onesimus wants to return), but his goal is their reconciliation, even though he anticipates Philemon is not preparing to welcome Onesimus back with open arms.
The letter’s opening makes it clear that Philemon—with a great reputation and a high enough social standing to host a church in his home—and Onesimus—whose very name means “useless”—are not of equal standing. Therefore, instead of just sending Onesimus back to Philemon alone with instructions to work it out between the two of them, Paul writes a letter to the one who holds the power, asking him to listen “because of love” (verse 8) and respond “voluntarily” (verse 14).
The epistle gives us insight into how Paul helped early Christians balance their relationships as co-members of the body of Christ when their lived realities did not reflect the ideal. As readers know, this is not a problem that was confined to antiquity: Power imbalances affect relationships between parents and children, teachers and students, bosses and employees, law enforcement and citizens, and yes, even pastors and congregational members (with potential complex power dynamics on both sides).
Due to his vastly underprivileged position, Onesimus couldn’t start the reconciliation process at Matthew 18:15 even if he wanted to. Philemon, under the rules of Roman society, would have no need to listen. Instead, Paul steps into the gap that cuts between Onesimus and Philemon, and pulls Onesimus up to stand beside him. Paul reminds Philemon that in God’s eyes, earthly authority is nothing; even Paul is currently a prisoner, yet Philemon owes him his “own self” (verse 19).
Paul also isn’t above using a method that some Christians shirk from: public pressure. The letter, though it uses the singular second-person pronoun when referring to Philemon, is also addressed to the church in Philemon’s house (verse 2), meaning that others were expected to hear this letter read aloud. It is apparent that Philemon’s conversion had not automatically translated “love for neighbor” into recognition of God’s image within others, even in his own household. Paul calls on Philemon publicly to make good on his calling as a Christian. Words and worship, in cases like this, are not enough. It is time for Philemon to put this new fellowship in Christ into practice.
Naturally, many of us today read Paul’s letter to Philemon with frustration, because Paul does not clearly spell out that true fellowship in Christ requires the renunciation of slavery, as Galatians 3:28 makes plain. We would hope that Paul plans to do so when he visits Philemon (verse 22), but that is left unsaid. However, knowing the letter had multiple recipients, Paul likely meant for his message of intentional reconciliation to apply more broadly than just to Onesimus’s return.
Even today, Paul’s epistle carries a reminder that Jesus calls us to public witness with our words, deeds, and lives. We are not called to be judges or prosecutors for Christ, but we are witnesses to the deeds of others. Bearing witness to the inequities between Onesimus and Philemon, Paul testifies to the new life in Jesus Christ that Philemon claims to honor, not just when it benefits him but when it costs him the most prized possessions in Roman society: property and honor. We, too, are tasked with recognizing where our own privilege locates us in relationships, as well as standing in the gap between the ones who cannot speak for themselves and the ones who need to hear them.
End note: Since at least the 4th century, Philemon has been used as an argument for both slavery and abolition. For further of this and similar uses of other Pauline epistles, an excellent resource is African American Readings of Paul by Lisa M. Bowens (Eerdmans, 2020).
